I woke up smiling at the previous night’s kisses. They were still impressing themselves on my mind and mouth.
I felt open, probed, tickled. The act of kissing had changed my sense of self.
I stepped out of bed and my skin goosbumped into the air. I realised that today I would meet the world with a softened body and a gentle mind.
I wondered, ‘What would work be like if everyone spent an hour making out before they went in to the office?’
Romance unbuttons time.
Its attentive adoration sends entire seconds spilling down the back of my knees.
This disarray opens the possibility (though not the certainty, as romance doesn’t do certainty) for in infinity moment to occur.
An infinity moment isn’t a sense that time has stopped. Its more delicate than that. Its a sense that this moment has created in you a feeling of total contentment-happiness. And that the contentment-happiness is so good that you would quite happily stay there for Infinity.
And so it was on a stunning bank holiday afternoon spent kissing and chatting under a cherry blossom tree. The sun, the flowers, his arms and mouth all created an infinity moment.
Romance unbuttons time. So make time for romance. There’s another bank holiday coming up soon…..
Last night I was asked, ‘What is the essence of play?’
Wow, I thought, that’s a really good question.
I had to stop and think about it for a few moments. Here’s what I got:
Play is of the moment. Past and future are irrelevant. Play is purely bound up in this moment. Here and now.
Also, play is spontaneous. You can plan the conditions for play – in fact, its a very good idea to plan for play. But you can’t plan play itself. Its spontaneous.
And thirdly, play has no aim. There is no goal. It happens purely for its own sake.
‘Hmm, that’s a good answer.’
I’d say that these three principles apply to all forms of play. But in particular they apply to romantic and erotic play. When you enjoy each other in the present moment, spontaneously and aimlessly, your body and spirit get to revel in pure pleasure. Its restorative and nourishing.
Enjoy!
There’s a contented sort of lovemaking that is less an expression of desire and more an expression of….something else. Its hard to find the word. Its a sort of bodily plenitude. As if your body is so replete with ease in the nakedness of your partner’s body. And that plenitude spills out as lovemaking. Almost incidentally.
Incidental sex. Sounds discourteous, no?
But its not. Bodies that are so at ease with each other open themselves to an unusual tranquility in lovemaking. Their leisureliness brings the rim of the soul into view.
Words are unnecessary. No “I want” or “Harder” or “Turn around”.
Breathing is smoother and movements are more measured than normal, choreographing the body into cellular peace.
Arousal shrugs its way into orgasm, reluctant to disrupt its own placated rhythm.
I slid peacefully from arched spine to slumped-on-his-chest, to heavy eyelids, to sated sleep.
Sexy texting should be like a danced duet – a rhythm passed back and forth.
Make sure to leave pauses in the rhythm. If you rush to reply you miss out on half of the sexiness. A constant stream of text is less interesting than one punctuated with pauses.
Wait.
Anticipate.
Listen….
….for the bleep of your phone.
There’s juice in the pauses.
Stop. You’ll have more fun.
The perfect Valentine’s Day kiss is a promise of romance. Its less about steamy sexiness and more about tender curiosity.
Wrap your arms around each other. Hold. Don’t squeeze but don’t be limp about it either. Let your arms be assured but not possessive with their pressure. Open your palms and rest them against the contour of your Valentine’s neck or back or waist or hip.
Open palms, open heart.
Now, slow down. Don’t rush in there with your mouth. Romance breathes in the lull between fleshy contact. So leave a gap between your hug and your kiss. Revel in the gap with your full attention. Drink in the moment and each other.
Now kiss. The key to a good Valentine kiss is restraint. Be restrained in rhythm and pressure. As with your hug (don’t squeeze but don’t be limp) your mouth needs to be confident but not pushy. So, move your lips and tongue in slow and medium paced rhythms. And use gentle to medium pressure. Taste the kiss, don’t devour it.
Let your whole mouth become a medium of tender curiosity.
And don’t wait till the 14th Feb next year to do this again. Fill your year with as many Valentine kisses as you can.
I’m delighted to be running a creative writing workshop at Eroticon2013 – the UK’s conference for erotica writers.
Its happening in London on the 2nd March. Here’s a description of the session:
Nowadays, one of the first things people say to me is, “I love your tweets.”
I’m NOT a social media expert; I just love twitter. I’m more playful and experimental in my tweets than in any other writing format. I have a theory that one word on twitter has the same impact as twenty words in a blog. Potentially.
I’ll share my processes and guidelines for using twitter as an authoring tool. We’ll cover the process of constructing a sex tweet (its the opposite of writing a blog); how to create a distinctive twitter tone; how to position your voice and content in relation to your twitter audience.
We’ll finish with you writing your own perfect sex tweet.
This is for you if you’re a word-lover and twitter-curious.
For details and booking: http://writesexright.com/
