I’ve collected some of my best, easy-to-use, coaching tips on preparing yourself body, mind and senses to be the best lover you’ve ever been. I want to make this accessible to as many people as possible so it costs just £10. 

What you’ll get

Starting on Tuesday 14th February, you’ll receive a daily email in your inbox with the tip of the day. It’ll be something that you can do quickly and easily – at your own convenience. Easy, but very effective. I’ve discovered through experience that putting your attention on something for a short time each day has a cumulative effect. And of course, you can keep the emails and run the programme again as often as you like.

Who its for 

This is for you irrespective of relationship status. This is entirely about self preparation. The foundation of being a good lover is laid in your own habits, with or without a partner.

Content

The content has been built around 5 core elements: food, sleep, grooming, wardrobe and self pleasure. By following the recommendations you’ll prepare your body, mind and senses for being the best lover you’ve ever been.

Purchase

To purchase the programme, complete two steps:

1. Pay £10 via paypal using this link.

http://venaramphal.com/purchasenow.html

2. Once you’ve done that you’ll be directed to fill in your email address and click ‘subscribe’.

Its vital that you fill in your email address and subscribe.

Your daily emails will have the subject line: Be The Best.

Remember that this is time limited – you need to sign up before 14th Feb.  You’ll use the impetus of Valentine’s Day to launch a month dedicated to being a lover. This would also make an unusual Valentine’s Day gift for a friend or partner. If you’re purchasing it as a gift, remember to enter the email address of the person you’re gifting.

I heard him murmur, ‘Peace in a pomegranate.’

‘Hm?’ I asked.

‘I just dreamt that phrase – peace in a pomegranate. I don’t know what it means.’

‘It means something to me,’ I said. ‘Its about love.’ In my half awake state I recalled that the pomegranate is symbolic of sexual love in a couple of mythologies.

The phrase planted itself in my mind and heart. He pulled me back into his chest and back into sleep.

I’m thinking of two myths – The Garden of Eden and the Atalanta story from Greek mythology. In both, discord or competition are inherent in the expression of sexual love. I find this distressing. I think we need new love stories, new sex stories and new romances. Stories that are about harmony, not discord; stories that are at peace with sexual love not fearful of it.

I want to write those stories. But first I want to know peace in a pomegranate.

At the end of last year I decided to dedicate this year to being the best lover I’ve ever been. I’m devoting the whole endeavour to the juicy beauty of the phrase ‘Peace in a Pomegranate.’ I’ll let you know how I go.

And finally, how cool is it to have a lover dream on my behalf? I still can’t get over that one. Which is why its taken me this long to tell anyone about it. Truly special – the man and the dream.

1. Take time for yourself. Conventional advice is more along the lines of ‘keep communicating with your partner.’ No. The point is that there has been a lot of communicating – or perhaps miscommunicating – over Christmas. Carve out time in your schedule to be in your own company. This way you’ll hear your own voice.

2. Respect your own privacy. Discuss your dilemma with as few people as possible, and choose those few well.

3. Get support from a neutral source – a professional, if appropriate. There is a difference between discussing your process with a friend and getting support from someone neutral.

In December of 2004 I discussed my dilemna with three people who love me deeply and whose integrity I trust. At the start of January 2005 it was clear to me that I needed to speak with someone external to the situation. Over the next two months I spoke with two professionals – a coach and a counsellor. This was invaluable in making my choice clear, and my course of action as frictionless as possible.

Our date will be dedicated to two questions:

1.Where in my life am I trying to be good instead of aiming to be happy?

2.What shifts need to occur for me to be happy in that area of my life?

If you are unhappy in your relationship but don’t want to rock the boat; or you feel overwhelmed by taking care of your family’s needs at the expense of your own, then its likely that you are playing out the good girl script.

We are brought up to be good girls. Its a script that runs so deep that, as adults, we can keep playing it out unconsciously. Our date will be structured in an informal workshop style, including guided exercises, discussion and exquisite food. My expertise is in contemporary gender theory and the technologies of the tantric/yogic traditions. I’ll share with you some invaluable tools that will help you identify, articulate and create a way of being that is less ‘good girl’ and more ‘happy woman’.

Date & time: Sunday 26th February  2012, 1pm to 5pm

Place: Bermondsey Fayre, 212 Bermondsey St, London SE1 3TQ

Cost: £40

To book, contact Liz Dillon on bermondseyfayre@gmail.com or 07749 453 894                                                                                                                         

Previous participants said:

When I saw the title to this event I was intrigued. I sure had the good girl script running and wondered what was the other side of it. The day was not only revealing but freeing and I cannot recommend it highly enough in such a safe environment and intuitive hands. I feel I have gained new and exciting insights as well as gaining the courage to keep re-writing MY script.

Jo Noon, Director :: Creative Services Consultancy

“Tearing up the good girl script” proved to be a compelling and insightful exploration of where we as women give up our power and our willingness to ask the question ‘what do I really want?’ and to stand up for the answer. Vena is an excellent guide for such an exploration because she has lived and breathed it in her own life. Everything she does is given exquisite care, and you will be in experienced and safe hands if you decide to take this next, exciting step on your own journey into being the beautiful, bold woman you are. My advice? jump right in…!

Joanne Sumner, Coach and Holistic Therapist

I experienced the workshop as a wonderfully safe, exploratory space. I greatly appreciated your skills as facilitator, ensuring safe boundaries while bringing focus and insight. I continue to reflect on the tensions between being ‘good’ and being happy in my own assumptions and behaviour, and I the workshop has given me perspective and confidence with which to challenge myself – on a pretty much daily basis!

Rebecca, Art Psychotherapist

The discussion turned briefly to eros, with Joseph asking “How do we carry our eros in our body?’ Many of us, myself included, often use the word eros to describe a sense of aliveness and juiciness. Its scope is much bigger than sexual arousal. However, sexual arousal or sensual arousal are perhaps the most direct ways of accessing eros. The boundaries of an eros-state remain undefined – for me, at least.

So the question is, ‘What is eros?” What is an erotic state of being? Where are the boundaries between an eros-state of body and a sexual state of being? Let me know your thoughts.

Would you like to bring a new dimension to your enjoyment of erotic pleasure?

In this salon we’ll explore the dynamic of leading and being led; taking charge and surrendering in intimacy. This polarity is at the heart of erotic play. Working with it brings great pleasure; misunderstanding it can lead to upset, boredom or confusion in the bedroom. You’ll learn some of tantra’s most significant insights about giving and receiving, and how to make it work for  you.

You will also be introduced to The Pleasure Pillow – a beautiful erotic accessory, created by British design house Darkest Star. The pillow’s discreet design hides a silken blindfold and soft wrist ties. Whether of not you are familiar in erotic accessories, the Pillow will provide a tangible metaphor for the polarity of intimacy – mentally and emotionally. The way we engage in physical intimacy reflects deeper patterns and beliefs. How completely can you surrender to another? How completely can you take charge? The more you are able to go into both modes, the more fulfilling your love life will be.
 This is a safe space for you to explore your own patterns in intimacy and expand your possibilities.

Date and time: Thursday 24th November, 6.45pm to 9pm

Location: Dru Cafe, 131 Drummond Street, Euston, London NW1 2HL

Fee: £40.00. Includes light refreshment. Payment by bank transfer.

To book, email vena@venaramphal.com

But what if you find that your favourite position or stroke just doesn’t do it for your lover? It can be quite a thing to give up parts of love making that you hold dear or of which you are proud. The invitation is not simply to find something new, but to be led by the workings of your lover’s body. This kind of change in your repertoire is a physical practice of surrender, non-ego and fleshy newness.

Its important to practise a repertoire of moves, but the deeper skill of lovemaking is in being prepared to be undone, flummoxed and made a beginner when you least expect it.

The first is, ‘Keep talking things through. And listen. Because the listening is powerful in itself. Secondly, be kind to one another.’

I was particularly struck by, ‘Be kind to one another.’ I’ve heard a lot of people advising ‘forgiveness’ or ‘understanding’ as important ingredients in a marriage. But  I think kindness works better.

I’ve always felt uncomfortable with the notion of forgiveness being important in marriage. It assumes that you have the right to forgive. It also has a sense of squaring things up, or wiping the slate clean. Its transactional and cold. Kindness is larger and softer and more inviting.

‘Understanding’ seems plain ridiculous. Human beings do un-understandable things all the time. Especially in relationship. But kindness doesn’t require understanding. It requires allowing the other person to be un-understandable. Its larger and softer and more inviting.

What do you think are the key ingredients of a good marriage?

It touches on the well known question, ‘Can you have sex with a friend without the sex complicating the friendship?’ or ‘Can you have sex with someone and remain friends?’

This type of question assumes that sex has the power to complicate friendship; which assumes that sex is complicated and friendship is simple. I would ask the question the other way – can you develop a friendship with someone and still have great, uncomplicated sex with them?

Just asking….

‘But at least then we’ll be committed.’

‘Well, if nothing else it’ll make his parents happy if he was married.’

‘And she’ll feel better once she’s settled down.’

Aaaarrghh! I couldn’t believe I was hearing this. Had I timewarped to the 1950s? How is it possible that in 2011, people are still willing to commit to misery?

On reflection, I realised that at the heart of this ill-logic was the deep seated belief that being married is the holy grail – not only of relationship, but of the wider fabric of a person’s life. It was almost existential – grasping at the confetti, not to provide happiness but to secure a committed discontent.

I think the braver and happier option is to dive into the dynamics of the relationship. There will be gifts of passion wrapped inside the discontent. The outer form of relationship will follow naturally.