Why I think only 1 to 2% of people are happy in relationship

27 May

Someone asked me recently what percentage of people I think are genuinely happy in their relationship. I said 1 to 2%. Many friends thought it was a very low estimate, saying that anything between 20 and 50% of people are happy.

I’d still say 1 to 2%. Here’s why.

In my observation, very few people have actually considered what happiness in relationship means to them. That is, what it means to them individually and uniquely; not in reference to social norms or other people’s relationships. Most of us acquire our sense of what happy relationship is like, by osmosis from the external world; whether that’s parents or peers, magazines, fiction or Hollywood. In contrast, those who I’d say are genuinely happy, have been self centred in their decision about what sort of relationship they want. Such people are able to articulate with resounding clarity how they chose their partner and how they continue to create their relationship.

However, when most people are asked about how they chose their relationship, there is a lack of clarity. I’ve heard many variations of ‘Well, its what everyone else was doing so I just assumed it would go that way.’ Definitely not self referential.

My question is, if you haven’t considered what kind of relationship you really want, how are you going to get it? Without investigating our desires, we can’t possibly fulfil them. Its the people who have done this self centred work who are genuinely happy.


Posted by on 27/05/2010 in Love, Romance


4 responses to “Why I think only 1 to 2% of people are happy in relationship

  1. Elizabeth Cairns

    27/05/2010 at 9:01 pm

    Hi Vena, i’m delighted to say that I must be in the 2%. Blissfully happy with my wonderful husband and best friend of 20 years. Wishing everyone out there happy hunting and a north star to their greatest desires.

  2. spicedrop

    27/05/2010 at 9:41 pm

    I’ve considered what it is that I want and what it is that I have to offer; now I have to find a way to meet someone interested in putting things into play.

  3. Kirsten Gronning

    28/05/2010 at 9:25 am

    Vena, you hit the nail on the head when you write “if you haven’t considered what kind of relationship you really want, how are you going to get it” A good friend, twice married, grandmother, only found herself in those 1-2% when she met her partner in her mid 50s having finally – after 40 years of unhappy relationships – worked out what she really wanted. You won’t be surprised to hear that having worked it out, it was far removed from what she thought she wanted and what she was getting!

  4. Nats

    30/05/2010 at 5:41 pm

    Yes, I’ve had to seriously re-evaluate what being happy really means. I’ve found happy involves so much soul-searching and working on Self, but most of us simply hand over our happiness to others (impatiently) waiting for them to ‘complete’ us & make us happy. Most of us aren’t even in the mind-set of receiving love because of all of our ‘stuff’
    Interesting post


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