Benefits with Friends?

31 Aug

Yesterday, I went to see the new Justin Timberlake/ Mila Kunis film – Friends With Benefits

It touches on the well known question, ‘Can you have sex with a friend without the sex complicating the friendship?’ or ‘Can you have sex with someone and remain friends?’

This type of question assumes that sex has the power to complicate friendship; which assumes that sex is complicated and friendship is simple. I would ask the question the other way – can you develop a friendship with someone and still have great, uncomplicated sex with them?

Just asking….


Posted by on 31/08/2011 in Gender, Love, Romance, Sex


Tags: , , , , ,

2 responses to “Benefits with Friends?

  1. mike

    31/08/2011 at 3:16 pm

    That’s assuming sex is definitely on the cards. But what about if you’d like to have uncomplicated sex with a friend, what if even suggesting it ruined the friendship? how can you possibly approach the subject. What are the rules?

    • Vena Ramphal

      31/08/2011 at 4:41 pm

      You need to have a sense of the friendship before suggesting it. Gauge the type of friendship you have – especially the trust level and the degree of genuine bonhomie between you. If both are high, you can risk suggesting it, knowing that whatever the response is, the friendship will continue. A couple of baseline rules:

      If you don’t discuss sex as friends, don’t bring it up. If you’re comfortable discussing sex with each other, its safer territory. Know that its still a risk.

      Secondly, its not just the other person’s response you need to prepare for, its your own. Can you handle a rejection of sex and continue to be a true friend? Your own response can often catch you off guard more than theirs.

      Finally, keep it between the two of you. Don’t ask other friends’ advice beforehand.


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