Recently on FaceBook, someone drew my attention to a blog about sexless relationships where the man had stopped ‘putting out’. In some cases, this had been going on for years. Here are my thoughts on the reasons behind this.
Ladies, if your man hasn’t been putting out for years its likely to be for one of the following reasons:
1. He’s gone into son mode. He’s got too comfortable in the relationship and so he’s become sexually lazy. Lots of men have confided in me ‘I’m a simple creature. If I have a good meal a comfortable bed and I’m left in peace – thats all I want.’ The thing is that if he’s behaving like this with his partner he’s treating her more like a mother. Not healthy and like I said, plain lazy.
2. He’s feeling consistently devalued or not appreciated. Contrary to popular belief men are not sexual animals – they will not settle for a quick shag without emotion. In long term relationship, If a man feels devalued he shuts down sexually. The tricky thing is that sometimes he’s feeling devalued by someone else – such as his boss or freinds – not by his partner. At the root of this is often his relationship with his father. Not his mother. Freud was wrong.
3. He doesn’t fancy his partner any more or he found the sex boring but doesn’t know how to broach the topic and say what he wants. This doesn’t automatically mean that he’s sleeping with someone else.
4. He’s gone off sex. Yes men can go off sex. The underlying reasons are varied but thats the bottom line.
There is not a quick fix solution to a problem that has gone on for years. The place to start is to find out what the most likely reason is.