Category Archives: Erotic Pleasure

What do I do with my sleek new dildo?

People can be a bit in awe of a high end vibrators and dildos. You need to really own it – put yourself in charge of it and make it yours. Before you use your chosen toy spend time getting to know it. Leave it out on your nightstand for a few nights so you get used to how it looks. Hold it and move it around in your hands so you get used to the weight, texture and how it feels. Its like buying a new pair of shoes. Once you’ve worn them in you feel more comfortable in them. Once you’re comfortable with your new toy, your ready to use it.

Whether solo or partnered, remember that a sex toy is there to aid your pleasure. It shouldn’t take precedence over your body. For partnered sex you can help your lover take charge of the toy. Its needs to feel like an extension of his arm. Suggest that he thinks of it this way – a good tennis player experiences the racket as an extension of his arm. The same applies when he’s holding the vibrator. This way it won’t feel like a clunky gadget in your bed but a turbo boost to your pleasure.

The design of vibrators is so much better now – created with a woman’s body in mind. But you still need to make it work for you. One of the most common mistakes is to think that all you need to do with a vibrator is lie back and think of England. But being on your back isn’t necessarily the best position. Try kneeling up. Once the vibe is in place move your hips – side to side, back and forth, in circles to get the most out of it.

Always use lubricant – preferably an organic one – with dildos and vibrators . However sleek and sophisticated the material, its not warm flesh. Lubricant makes them more body friendly.

If you are new to sex toys and want something easy to start with, try cuffs. I think they are a great introduction because you can both experience what its like to be the cuffer and cuffed. This brings PARITY and MUTUALITY to the experience – both qualities that foster RESPECT, which is absolutely vital if you are going to have a truly enjoyable time.

To get the best out of cuffs bind his wrists above this head. This leaves the most skin exposed for you to play with. If you tie his hands in front of his body his arms will cover his torso and get in your way. Here’s what to do:
Get him to lie on his back – but further down the bed than normal. Leave space above his head so that his arms have room to stretch. You don’t want him bashing into the headboard when you have him moaning later! Now straddle his chest and push his arms above his head. Take the cuffs and let him watch you run your fingers over them for a few seconds. Lean forward so that your skin is brushing his face. Tie him up…..

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Posted by on 04/10/2014 in Erotic Pleasure, Sex


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Ladies Day – Secrets of the Kama Sutra

A Salon for Women

Ladies, this is your opportunity to immerse yourself in a day of erotic knowledge. In a small group of 20 women you’ll get detailed information on how to improve your sex life.

We’ll cover the following topics:
Crafting your femininity – how to be the woman you want to be in bed
Boost your body confidence
Sex positions for you and him
Giving and receiving oral pleasure
How to pleasure a man

Date & time: Saturday 16th August 10.30am to 3.30pm

Place: beautiful private venue in Pimlico, central London (Address shared after booking)

Bookings: £95 per person
Payment: via PayPal to

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Posted by on 27/05/2014 in Erotic Pleasure, Events



The Closed Mintiness of Mint Tea

I’ve been reflecting on that moment when you realise you can’t have someone.

Until then, desire is unfettered. During your first meeting when you know nothing about the other person, you have no facts but every imagination. Everything is possible. Until facts start to intrude.

My gut is fluttering and the edges of my skin are breathing. I want but can I have?

For a whole ten minutes I’ve been reclining in the fantasy, ‘I will have him.’ But half a sentence here and a cautious question there reveals, ‘I can’t have him. He’s not available.’ The realisation pulls my spine out of the fantasy into an upright posture. Appropriate body. Now the walls of the cafe seem closer than before and the conversations around us have edges. With good, English propriety I lift my cup and take a sip.

For the first time I taste the mintiness of my mint tea.

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Posted by on 19/02/2014 in Erotic Pleasure


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On the other side of ‘the norm’

Its the 31st today. Most people drink less alcohol in January. Christmas excess and New Year’s resolutions combine to bring about an abstemious month. To my mind, this makes January a particularly good month for lovemaking.

Alcohol changes your neurology. You simply can’t be fully present in your body. Neither can you touch or kiss your partner with the skill of a good lover.

Sober sex.

Sounds scary to lots of people. But that’s only because its ‘the norm’, and deviating from the norm is one of the scariest things to do.

But on the other side of the norm lies something extraordinary – the sharp, exquisite, awkward, joyful, surprising, feel-every-sensation type of sex.

Its worth making a year of Januarys…..

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Posted by on 31/01/2014 in Erotic Pleasure


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Thirsty Throat, Small Needs, Interrupted Foreplay

In the summer of 2006 I made a commitment to live in partnership with my body. I pay attention to what it wants. I do my best to follow its directions, desires and prohibitions.

The more I listen to my body the more clearly I hear it. And the harder it becomes to ignore it, even in the small things.

The other day I was snuggling in bed with a lovely gentleman. He started to kiss me with a look in his eyes that said, “We’re not getting out of bed any time soon.” “Oh…yum!” I thought.

His kisses brought my attention fully into my body. I noticed that I felt thirsty. “Well that’s inconvenient,” I thought and tried to ignore the thirst. Over the next several milliseconds or so I had this internal conversation with my body:

Body: “I’m thirsty.”
Me: “Seriously? Now?”
Body: “I want water.”
Me, nervously: “I can’t interrupt now.”
Body, shouting: “I’M THIRSTY.”
Me: “Okay.”

So I gently pulled my mouth back from his, hugged him with my thighs and arms, and said, “Just one moment, baby…I need to drink some water.” “Sure,” he said, not sounding interrupted at all. “Would you like some?” “No, I’m good.”

I returned a couple of minutes later, thirst slaked and able to devote my full attention to him. If I hadn’t interrupted – and risked throwing him off his physical or emotional game – I wouldn’t have been able to dedicate my whole physicality to lovemaking. I could have ignored it – it was just a bit of a dry throat after all. But I really noticed the clarity of my body’s voice. It demanded wholeness. It wasn’t interested in ignoring its small needs.

Wise body.

The need might be small but its never insignificant.

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Posted by on 13/09/2013 in Erotic Pleasure, Sex


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National Kissing Day

Sometimes I’m asked, ‘If you could only give one piece of advice, what would it be?”

I say, “Kiss more.”

People smile immediately when they hear that. Its a much better than hearing something serious about the importance of trust and communication in relationship.

Okay, sometimes you need the serious stuff too but I think all that should be secondary to the fun of kissing.

Kissing uplifts instantly. One good kiss is worth hundreds of words of honest communication. The flesh achieves in an instant what words struggle with for hours.

Such is the power of fun and the power of the body.

Happy National Kissing Day.

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Posted by on 20/06/2013 in Erotic Pleasure


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Smooch Before You Commute

I woke up smiling at the previous night’s kisses. They were still impressing themselves on my mind and mouth.

I felt open, probed, tickled. The act of kissing had changed my sense of self.

I stepped out of bed and my skin goosbumped into the air. I realised that today I would meet the world with a softened body and a gentle mind.

I wondered, ‘What would work be like if everyone spent an hour making out before they went in to the office?’

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Posted by on 12/06/2013 in Erotic Pleasure


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A Question of Play

Last night I was asked, ‘What is the essence of play?’

Wow, I thought, that’s a really good question.

I had to stop and think about it for a few moments. Here’s what I got:

Play is of the moment. Past and future are irrelevant. Play is purely bound up in this moment. Here and now.

Also, play is spontaneous. You can plan the conditions for play – in fact, its a very good idea to plan for play. But you can’t plan play itself. Its spontaneous.

And thirdly, play has no aim. There is no goal. It happens purely for its own sake.

‘Hmm, that’s a good answer.’

I’d say that these three principles apply to all forms of play. But in particular they apply to romantic and erotic play. When you enjoy each other in the present moment, spontaneously and aimlessly, your body and spirit get to revel in pure pleasure. Its restorative and nourishing.


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Posted by on 02/05/2013 in Erotic Pleasure


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Incidental Sex

There’s a contented sort of lovemaking that is less an expression of desire and more an expression of….something else. Its hard to find the word. Its a sort of bodily plenitude. As if your body is so replete with ease in the nakedness of your partner’s body. And that plenitude spills out as lovemaking. Almost incidentally.

Incidental sex. Sounds discourteous, no?

But its not. Bodies that are so at ease with each other open themselves to an unusual tranquility in lovemaking. Their leisureliness brings the rim of the soul into view.

Words are unnecessary. No “I want” or “Harder” or “Turn around”.

Breathing is smoother and movements are more measured than normal, choreographing the body into cellular peace.

Arousal shrugs its way into orgasm, reluctant to disrupt its own placated rhythm.

I slid peacefully from arched spine to slumped-on-his-chest, to heavy eyelids, to sated sleep.

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Posted by on 04/04/2013 in Erotic Pleasure, Sex


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Snuggled Siestas

I love a snuggled siesta. Gently illicit; inviting the 9-5 work ethic to take off its tie and lie down for a while.

Two bodies taking a daylight break from engaging with the world.

So romantic – maybe because they’re gently illicit. And because you know that in thirty swift minutes you’ll have to unsnuggle from those strong arms. You start to miss it as as soon as you start to enjoy it.


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Posted by on 13/11/2012 in Erotic Pleasure, Romance