Category Archives: Love

The Toughest Week of the Year For Relationships

25th December is the start of the last week of the year. For many relationships, it is also the toughest week of the year. The strong energy field of ‘tradition’ that surrounds Christmas, combined with the poignant ‘Auld lang syne’ of New Year’s Eve make people assess, question and argue.

If your relationship has hit a rocky patch, here are three tips to smooth your way through the remaining days of 2014.

1. Take time to choose your words. There’s a saying about ‘the sped arrow and the spoken word’ – you can’t take either back once they are released. If you’re feeling stressed, wait before you speak.

2. Don’t make rash decisions. If you’re feeling irritated or uncomfortable about an aspect of your relationship, remind yourself that relationship dynamics get magnified in the family-ar context of Christmas. This isn’t a good time to make decisions about your relationship or partner.

3. Breathe kindly. This is of utmost importance. By breathing kindly you bring kindness to your own body and mind. This automatically softens any discomfort.

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Posted by on 23/12/2014 in Love, Marriage


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Cupid is tired

So, Cupid tells me that he wants to give up shooting arrows.

The whole bow and arrow thing was always a little childish anyway – making people hurt for love. But this was the only way he could open our hearts. He’d found that pain was a very effective incentive for us to fall in love. The wound of his arrows opened the flow of loving attention.

But he’s tired of his weapons; and of our laziness.

He’s wants to be a gardener instead – planting seeds of love in the ground of fertile hearts.

Of course, the invitation (and the requirement) is that we apply ourselves more consciously to love.

He tells me that we’ll need to prepare the ground of our hearts ourselves. A fertile heart is already rich with emotion, already in-the-flow-of-feeling, already stationed-in-love. Poised to fall in love. Cupid can easily tend such a heart.

It takes more maturity but he thinks we’re ready to move from being hunted by Love to being in partnership with Love. Shall we?

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Posted by on 13/01/2013 in Love, Romance


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Indelible Marks on the Heart

You don’t need to wait for your heart to ‘get over’ someone before you move on with your life. If you waited for that, you’d possibly never move on. Some romances mark your heart indelibly. The trick is to allow your heart to have its mark and to move forward simultaneously.

Don’t trip up on the idea of having one true love. The heart is roomier than you might think. Just because you’ve lost one true love doesn’t mean you can’t have another. You can have many.

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Posted by on 16/11/2012 in Breakups and Divorce, Love


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Let your body help you with heartbreak

You can’t make your heart heal straight after a break up. That happens at its own pace. But I’ve noticed that pampering your body helps to get you through that initial pain.

Eat comfortingly and sleep cosily.

Get massages. Hug your friends. Have sex. Touch is good. Good touch heals.


Posted by on 11/11/2012 in Breakups and Divorce, Love


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The Eloquence of Kisses and Cuddles

I’ve noticed that with some lovers its easy to communicate your feelings body to body. Cuddles and kisses are more eloquent than words. I don’t mean just the lovey-dovey feelings but the sharper ones too.

Hurt, anger, vulnerability, remorse – all of this can be said, heard and completed through the flesh.


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Posted by on 10/11/2012 in Love, Sex


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What my fingers remembered

I spent today attending a writing workshop run by author and coach Steve Nobel.

One exercise aimed to get us to write in order to induce a particular feeling. I wanted to induce a state of feeling sexy. I used a particular memory as a trigger point. Following Steve’s instructions, I wrote fast, without editing – letting the writing go where it wanted to go.

I was describing a dinner I’d enjoyed with a very special man.

Ten minutes later, I read what I’d written. I was surprised by what had tripped off the end of my pen. My fingers had remembered not only the sensuality but the intense joy I felt in his presence. What surprised me was that I realised I’ve never told him this.

Yes, I’ve spoken lovingly and tenderly, but not about that intense joy.

It got me thinking about what we share and don’t share with lovers. I think that sometimes its easier to express the obvious feelings – the ones that translate easily into the common vernacular of love.

But I think that its important to tell people when they’ve touched us so deeply that the common vernacular of love doesn’t quite cut it. Otherwise they never know just how much they have added to our lives. So, this week I’m going to tell him. If I can’t find a way to just say it, I’ll read my writing out to him. That feels scary….


Posted by on 14/10/2012 in Erotic Pleasure, Love, Romance, Sex


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Please don’t stop touching each other

Not so long ago a client came to me who was deeply unhappy in his marriage.

A short while into the conversation he said that he and his wife had not had sex in many years. A few questions later he said, ‘The truth is, we haven’t touched each other in years. We don’t even hug any more. It all just stopped.’ And he cried.

When he’d spoken about the other ‘reasons’ for the marriage not working he was sad, distressed, frustrated. But with this there was a deep loneliness in his voice. We’d hit the core of his misery. The practical and even emotional problems paled into the background. The physical loneliness of no-touch was worse.

It made me think about the importance of touch. Increasingly, I’m convinced that loving (or any positive) human touch is regenerative – emotionally, mentally and physically. I’ve written before about how couples can become lazy in long term relationship. Please don’t get lazy with your bodies. Touch each other lovingly, again and again and again.

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Posted by on 01/10/2012 in Love, Marriage, Sex


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