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I had a lover’s tiff

Habit is the enemy of romance, but rituals provide a structure in which romance thrives.

Currently, I have a goodbye ritual – sipping coffee and chatting in a lovely cafe before kissing goodbye. I wrote about it a little while ago http://bit.ly/1iKs6Wt

Its a gentle way to part from a lover after a couple of days in each other’s company.

Well, a couple of weeks ago I said goodbye without that ritual. On this occasion, we parted without visiting the cafe. There were kisses for sure, but they were exposed to the sharp air of sudden separation. I convinced myself that this wasn’t a problem. I would be mature about it – I would simply acknowledge my feelings and that would be enough.

But it wasn’t. The sharp air of separation stayed in my lungs and grew into irritation. Three days later, sharp air became the sharp words of a lovers’ tiff.

The balance of energy between lovers is delicate. Rituals help to keep that balance clear and in flow. My goodbye ritual works, but I ignored it and experienced the fallout. I know that gentle goodbyes work for me. I need time to peel myself out of a full immersion in romance, and bring other aspects of life to the fore.

We ignored the ritual because we didn’t feel that we needed it on that day. We had just had tea, and going to the cafe seemed superfluous. But with ritual the content is less important than the performance of it. Its the performance – not the content – that gives romance the structure it needs.

What works for you? What rituals can you put in place to keep the energy of your romantic life clear and in flow?

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Posted by on 04/03/2014 in Romance

 

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Rituals, Coffee and Goodbye Kisses

Habit is the enemy of romance. But ritual facilitates love’s delicate edges.

We both get withdrawal symptoms a couple of hours before we kiss goodbye. After two days of being soaked in each other’s presence, parting feels like a wrench – a harsh scattering of the gently gathered romantic self. So we’ve figured out a way to transition gently – a ritual that bridges our date-time and saying, ‘Bye.’

Coffee.

In a particular cafe thats always convivially alive.

Its that simple. A couple of hours chatting with each other, chatting with the cafe owner and sometimes with the other customers. It helps us to replant our feet on the ground of daily life.

It works for two reasons. Firstly, we both know that the purpose of our coffee ritual is to disentangle us gently from each other. We agreed this together.

Secondly, the atmosphere in this particular cafe is lively enough to cajole us out being fully absorbed in each other, but friendly enough that we don’t feel intruded upon. Its the perfect balance, acting as a bridge between time together and time apart.

This ritual of coffee invites our attention from each other’s laughter to the laughter of community. The romantic self becomes the social self, and kissing goodbye becomes less of a wrench and more of a twinge.

 
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Posted by on 05/11/2013 in Romance

 

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