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The Toughest Week of the Year For Relationships

25th December is the start of the last week of the year. For many relationships, it is also the toughest week of the year. The strong energy field of ‘tradition’ that surrounds Christmas, combined with the poignant ‘Auld lang syne’ of New Year’s Eve make people assess, question and argue.

If your relationship has hit a rocky patch, here are three tips to smooth your way through the remaining days of 2014.

1. Take time to choose your words. There’s a saying about ‘the sped arrow and the spoken word’ – you can’t take either back once they are released. If you’re feeling stressed, wait before you speak.

2. Don’t make rash decisions. If you’re feeling irritated or uncomfortable about an aspect of your relationship, remind yourself that relationship dynamics get magnified in the family-ar context of Christmas. This isn’t a good time to make decisions about your relationship or partner.

3. Breathe kindly. This is of utmost importance. By breathing kindly you bring kindness to your own body and mind. This automatically softens any discomfort.

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Posted by on 23/12/2014 in Love, Marriage

 

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The post-Christmas Divorce Urge

Christmas 2004 – it was the last Christmas I spent as a married woman. I remember it distinctly. I was deeply unhappy and in my heart I knew that I no longer wanted to be in this marriage, but in my head I hadn’t made that decision. It felt overwhelming to even think about it as a real possibility.
Statistically, January is the time when most couples split up. But leaping into action is probably not the best solution. Our human nature is uncomfortable with discomfort. So we look for a solution, rushing into action.
Based on my own experience, there are a number of things you can usefully do before rushing to see a solicitor.

1. Take time for yourself. Conventional advice is more along the lines of ‘keep communicating with your partner.’ No. The point is that there has been a lot of communicating – or perhaps miscommunicating – over Christmas. Carve out time in your schedule to be in your own company. This way you’ll hear your own voice.

2. Respect your own privacy. Discuss your dilemma with as few people as possible, and choose those few well.

3. Get support from a neutral source – a professional, if appropriate. There is a difference between discussing your process with a friend and getting support from someone neutral.

In December of 2004 I discussed my dilemna with three people who love me deeply and whose integrity I trust. At the start of January 2005 it was clear to me that I needed to speak with someone external to the situation. Over the next two months I spoke with two professionals – a coach and a counsellor. This was invaluable in making my choice clear, and my course of action as frictionless as possible.

 

 
 

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