Tag Archives: dating

Rituals, Coffee and Goodbye Kisses

Habit is the enemy of romance. But ritual facilitates love’s delicate edges.

We both get withdrawal symptoms a couple of hours before we kiss goodbye. After two days of being soaked in each other’s presence, parting feels like a wrench – a harsh scattering of the gently gathered romantic self. So we’ve figured out a way to transition gently – a ritual that bridges our date-time and saying, ‘Bye.’


In a particular cafe thats always convivially alive.

Its that simple. A couple of hours chatting with each other, chatting with the cafe owner and sometimes with the other customers. It helps us to replant our feet on the ground of daily life.

It works for two reasons. Firstly, we both know that the purpose of our coffee ritual is to disentangle us gently from each other. We agreed this together.

Secondly, the atmosphere in this particular cafe is lively enough to cajole us out being fully absorbed in each other, but friendly enough that we don’t feel intruded upon. Its the perfect balance, acting as a bridge between time together and time apart.

This ritual of coffee invites our attention from each other’s laughter to the laughter of community. The romantic self becomes the social self, and kissing goodbye becomes less of a wrench and more of a twinge.

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Posted by on 05/11/2013 in Romance


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Indelible Marks on the Heart

You don’t need to wait for your heart to ‘get over’ someone before you move on with your life. If you waited for that, you’d possibly never move on. Some romances mark your heart indelibly. The trick is to allow your heart to have its mark and to move forward simultaneously.

Don’t trip up on the idea of having one true love. The heart is roomier than you might think. Just because you’ve lost one true love doesn’t mean you can’t have another. You can have many.

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Posted by on 16/11/2012 in Breakups and Divorce, Love


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Sex with a new partner

Its always a risk the first time you have sex with a new partner. However good the flirting was and however much chemistry there ¬†was between you, you can’t predict how your bodies will work together.

So, how do you step into this unknown? Here are my top 3 tips:

1. Be here, now. Don’t just trot out the routines that worked with your last partner. Stay fully in the present moment – with this person and their body. Use your skills, but respond spontaneously.

2. Don’t take it too seriously. An attitude of playfulness and fun facilitates spontaneity. It also creates an atmosphere in which its easier for the two of you to communicate, change direction and adjust should things get awkward.

3. Talk to each other. You’re not a mind reader and neither are they. Tell them what you enjoy and ask what they enjoy. Keep checking in. It might seem like a romantic idea that good sex should just happen if you have a ‘special connection’. But sometimes special connections are forged. Don’t stay quiet. Words are your ally. Use them.

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Posted by on 10/06/2012 in Sex


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I enjoy a Dating Lifestyle

I enjoy the freedom of a dating lifestyle. Of course with greater freedom comes greater responsibility – both to oneself and to those you date. It takes much more work than a conventional relationship. The irony is that being free requires stronger boundaries and clearer commitments. What will you do and what won’t you do? What do you expect and what will you not expect – both of yourself and others?

I think the key is to know your deal breakers, to know what you’re willing to be flexible about, and know your core requirements.

And fundamentally, to know – or at least to ask yourself, ‘What is my purpose in dating?’ Keep asking that one – the answers may surprise you. And thats where the fun starts…..

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Posted by on 01/12/2010 in Love, Romance


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