Tag Archives: sex toys

What do I do with my sleek new dildo?

People can be a bit in awe of a high end vibrators and dildos. You need to really own it – put yourself in charge of it and make it yours. Before you use your chosen toy spend time getting to know it. Leave it out on your nightstand for a few nights so you get used to how it looks. Hold it and move it around in your hands so you get used to the weight, texture and how it feels. Its like buying a new pair of shoes. Once you’ve worn them in you feel more comfortable in them. Once you’re comfortable with your new toy, your ready to use it.

Whether solo or partnered, remember that a sex toy is there to aid your pleasure. It shouldn’t take precedence over your body. For partnered sex you can help your lover take charge of the toy. Its needs to feel like an extension of his arm. Suggest that he thinks of it this way – a good tennis player experiences the racket as an extension of his arm. The same applies when he’s holding the vibrator. This way it won’t feel like a clunky gadget in your bed but a turbo boost to your pleasure.

The design of vibrators is so much better now – created with a woman’s body in mind. But you still need to make it work for you. One of the most common mistakes is to think that all you need to do with a vibrator is lie back and think of England. But being on your back isn’t necessarily the best position. Try kneeling up. Once the vibe is in place move your hips – side to side, back and forth, in circles to get the most out of it.

Always use lubricant – preferably an organic one – with dildos and vibrators . However sleek and sophisticated the material, its not warm flesh. Lubricant makes them more body friendly.

If you are new to sex toys and want something easy to start with, try cuffs. I think they are a great introduction because you can both experience what its like to be the cuffer and cuffed. This brings PARITY and MUTUALITY to the experience – both qualities that foster RESPECT, which is absolutely vital if you are going to have a truly enjoyable time.

To get the best out of cuffs bind his wrists above this head. This leaves the most skin exposed for you to play with. If you tie his hands in front of his body his arms will cover his torso and get in your way. Here’s what to do:
Get him to lie on his back – but further down the bed than normal. Leave space above his head so that his arms have room to stretch. You don’t want him bashing into the headboard when you have him moaning later! Now straddle his chest and push his arms above his head. Take the cuffs and let him watch you run your fingers over them for a few seconds. Lean forward so that your skin is brushing his face. Tie him up…..

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Posted by on 04/10/2014 in Erotic Pleasure, Sex


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Pleasure Salon: A Date for Women

NEW in my series of dates for women is this Pleasure Salon which introduces you to tantric principles to keep your love life juicy and fun.

Would you like to bring a new dimension to your enjoyment of erotic pleasure?

In this salon we’ll explore the dynamic of leading and being led; taking charge and surrendering in intimacy. This polarity is at the heart of erotic play. Working with it brings great pleasure; misunderstanding it can lead to upset, boredom or confusion in the bedroom. You’ll learn some of tantra’s most significant insights about giving and receiving, and how to make it work for  you.

You will also be introduced to The Pleasure Pillow – a beautiful erotic accessory, created by British design house Darkest Star. The pillow’s discreet design hides a silken blindfold and soft wrist ties. Whether of not you are familiar in erotic accessories, the Pillow will provide a tangible metaphor for the polarity of intimacy – mentally and emotionally. The way we engage in physical intimacy reflects deeper patterns and beliefs. How completely can you surrender to another? How completely can you take charge? The more you are able to go into both modes, the more fulfilling your love life will be.
 This is a safe space for you to explore your own patterns in intimacy and expand your possibilities.

Date and time: Thursday 24th November, 6.45pm to 9pm

Location: Dru Cafe, 131 Drummond Street, Euston, London NW1 2HL

Fee: £40.00. Includes light refreshment. Payment by bank transfer.

To book, email


Posted by on 20/09/2011 in Erotic Pleasure, Events, Sex


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More Than A Bit Of Slap And Tickle

The other day, I was chatting with a friend who had attended an event for women in business. As is often the way, the attendees had been given a lovely goody bag to take away with them. We were admiring its contents, one after another. A luscious body lotion…..a pampering bath potion….and (my eyes lit up at this point) an interestingly packaged dildo. Or so I thought. Half a second later realised that it was in fact a stick of rock! As in the sweet. Oh, the disappointment – on my part; and amusement – on her part.

It got me thinking about how sex toys are perceived. My sense is that the vast majority of people consider them to be beyond the realm of regular sex. And if something is beyond the realm of regular sex, it becomes ‘perverted’,  (or kinky, or risqué – which, in this context, are code words for perverted).

Far from perverting or obstructing sexual fulfillment, sex toys promote a healthy and varied experience of sexual pleasure. They don’t – and shouldn’t – replace flesh to flesh experience; they enhance it.

The skin is capable of enjoying a wide variety of sensation. From dildos to feather ticklers, toys provide more than a bit of slap and tickle. Giving your skin a variety of pleasurable sensations opens your sensitivity and awareness on subtler levels. In relationship, it cultivates sensitivity towards your partner. Solo, it cultivates sensitivity to your own needs – both physically and emotionally.

If you are new to toys, try experimenting with something simple like a satin tie or a soft leather scarf. See how your body responds. If you do decide to buy a pleasure toy, go for quality. Its more expensive, but its worth it. If something going on or in your body, it needs to be healthy.

Rest assured that if I ever put together a goody bag for an event – for people of any gender, there will be a pleasure toy in it. In the meantime here are two stores I recommend:


Posted by on 11/06/2011 in Erotic Pleasure, Sex


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