A lot of men worry about ‘being too small’. But some have the opposite problem. They’re too big. They can’t have penetrative sex because its too painful for their partner. I was speaking to a young man recently who’s sex life had been consistently frustrating because of this.
Remember that its not only about size; its also about fit. The genital muscles of the male and female body both swell in preparation for sex. But they swell with opposite effects – you get harder, she gets softer and more relaxed.
From a tantric perspective this complementary swelling is the physical and psychological core of heterosexual intimacy.
If your partner finds you too big, you can both address this by working with your bodies’ complimentary swelling. This is how:
The key is in your breathing. Actually, its mainly in her breathing. If you’ve been together for a while and she knows that attempting sex might be painful her internal muscles will tense up when you get close to penetration. Its the body’s reflex response if its expecting pain.
To help your bodies create a better fit:
1. She can consciously relax her vaginal muscles. Its like the reverse of Kegel exercises. First she needs to focus on her internal muscle; then relax it as she breathes out. This will get easier with practice.
2. Co-ordinate your movement with her breathing. As she breathes out you thrust into her.Go slow. Use gentle, small penetrative strokes. Don’t try to go in all at once.
A couple of other preparation tips:
3. Lots of foreplay. (You’re probably already doing that, but I’m saying it just in case)
4. Use lubricant. It will help her body stay juicy so you can both enjoy taking your time. If you’re using regular, latex condoms use water based or silicone based lubricant. Oil based lubricants can damage latex condoms, leaving you less protected.