Tag Archives: tantric sex

Its not just about size, its about fit.

A lot of men worry about ‘being too small’. But some have the opposite problem. They’re too big. They can’t have penetrative sex because its too painful for their partner. I was speaking to a young man recently who’s sex life had been consistently frustrating because of this.

Remember that its not only about size; its also about fit. The genital muscles of the male and female body both swell in preparation for sex. But they swell with opposite effects – you get harder, she gets softer and more relaxed.

From a tantric perspective this complementary swelling is the physical and psychological core of heterosexual intimacy. 

If your partner finds you too big, you can both address this by working with your bodies’ complimentary swelling. This is how:

The key is in your breathing. Actually, its mainly in her breathing. If you’ve been together for a while and she knows that attempting sex might be painful her internal muscles will tense up when you get close to penetration. Its the body’s reflex response if its expecting pain.

To help your bodies create a better fit:

1. She can consciously relax her vaginal muscles. Its like the reverse of Kegel exercises. First she needs to focus on her internal muscle; then relax it as she breathes out. This will get easier with practice.

2. Co-ordinate your movement with her breathing. As she breathes out you thrust into her.Go slow. Use gentle, small penetrative strokes. Don’t try to go in all at once.

A couple of other preparation tips:

3. Lots of foreplay. (You’re probably already doing that, but I’m saying it just in case)

4. Use lubricant. It will help her body stay juicy so you can both enjoy taking your time. If you’re using regular, latex condoms use water based or silicone based lubricant. Oil based lubricants can damage latex condoms, leaving you less protected.

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Posted by on 24/08/2012 in Sex


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The Orgasmic Self

Its an interesting thing about orgasm – the word is synonymous with ultimate pleasure. Often, if people want to describe something as really pleasurable they say ‘Its orgasmic.’

But recently I’ve been asking people to describe the feeling of orgasm. When they really start to think about it, its not so easy to put the feeling into words. Its not just pleasurable in the way that other things are. Have you noticed how people hardly smile when they orgasm? If it was simple, happy-making pleasure, the facial muscles would respond accordingly.

Orgasm is more than just pleasurable. I’d say it takes us beyond the duality of pleasure/pain into a deeper, more complex experience of Being. Physiologically, the whole of the central nervous system is engaged during orgasm. This means that the nerves along the whole spine are tingling away. Thats why the sensation affects the whole body, or most of the body, even if briefly.

The body shakes involuntarily – it is beyond your control. Physical and emotional sensations sweep over you. They twitch through you of their own accord. Its an experience of self that is beyond the mundane.

From a yogic-tantric point of view, orgasm takes us into an altered, more expanded and unified state of consciousness. Yoga-tantra practices can be described as a series of technologies for experiencing the self. Many of these practices centre on manipulating the central nervous system by opening the chakras (a series of psycho-physical centres located along the spine and brain.) Orgasm achieves this opening – whether in part or in full. For the moment of orgasm, everyone becomes a yogi – effecting or at least simulating the unified opening of the chakras. This opening is accompanied by an alteration in the person’s consciousness, from one of separate individuality to one that touches unity consciousness. Orgasm in and of itself does not necessarily achieve unity consciousness, but it brings one a glimpse of it.

The orgasmic self leans towards being a universal self. Enjoy.


Posted by on 22/04/2012 in Sex


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The Ethics of Kissing with an Open Mouth

In esoteric yogic-tantric literature, bodily fluids are considered to be potent expressions of self. Blood, sweat, saliva, semen are more than bodily emissions; they carry a person’s essence in them. When you sweat, you release droplets of yourself.

The same body of literature considers the breath to be the link between body and mind. Breath hovers between the physical and subtle and is a potent psycho-physical force. Either physical or mental exertion can alter your breathing pattern. You’re probably holding your breath right now – its a natural reflex to hold our breath when we concentrate on reading or listening to words. The exertion of mind alters the breath.

When you kiss with an open mouth, you mix breath and saliva with the person you’re kissing. You leave a part of yourself in their mouth and take their essence into your own. I always think of exchanging breath in a kiss as a magical moment. Not in the romantic sense but in the alchemical sense. For me, wishes fructify in the exchange of breath.

From an esoteric point of view, kissing is a big deal. Who do you want to share your essence with? Who’s do you want to imbibe? For those on a yogic-tantric path I suggest choosing kissing partners with care. Then the fun can really begin.

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Posted by on 12/03/2012 in Sex


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