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I had a lover’s tiff

Habit is the enemy of romance, but rituals provide a structure in which romance thrives.

Currently, I have a goodbye ritual – sipping coffee and chatting in a lovely cafe before kissing goodbye. I wrote about it a little while ago http://bit.ly/1iKs6Wt

Its a gentle way to part from a lover after a couple of days in each other’s company.

Well, a couple of weeks ago I said goodbye without that ritual. On this occasion, we parted without visiting the cafe. There were kisses for sure, but they were exposed to the sharp air of sudden separation. I convinced myself that this wasn’t a problem. I would be mature about it – I would simply acknowledge my feelings and that would be enough.

But it wasn’t. The sharp air of separation stayed in my lungs and grew into irritation. Three days later, sharp air became the sharp words of a lovers’ tiff.

The balance of energy between lovers is delicate. Rituals help to keep that balance clear and in flow. My goodbye ritual works, but I ignored it and experienced the fallout. I know that gentle goodbyes work for me. I need time to peel myself out of a full immersion in romance, and bring other aspects of life to the fore.

We ignored the ritual because we didn’t feel that we needed it on that day. We had just had tea, and going to the cafe seemed superfluous. But with ritual the content is less important than the performance of it. Its the performance – not the content – that gives romance the structure it needs.

What works for you? What rituals can you put in place to keep the energy of your romantic life clear and in flow?

 
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Posted by on 04/03/2014 in Romance

 

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The Closed Mintiness of Mint Tea

I’ve been reflecting on that moment when you realise you can’t have someone.

Until then, desire is unfettered. During your first meeting when you know nothing about the other person, you have no facts but every imagination. Everything is possible. Until facts start to intrude.

My gut is fluttering and the edges of my skin are breathing. I want but can I have?

For a whole ten minutes I’ve been reclining in the fantasy, ‘I will have him.’ But half a sentence here and a cautious question there reveals, ‘I can’t have him. He’s not available.’ The realisation pulls my spine out of the fantasy into an upright posture. Appropriate body. Now the walls of the cafe seem closer than before and the conversations around us have edges. With good, English propriety I lift my cup and take a sip.

For the first time I taste the mintiness of my mint tea.

 
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Posted by on 19/02/2014 in Erotic Pleasure

 

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