Tag Archives: touch

Oyster Card Romance

Londoners, you know that thing when you swipe your oyster card, the red light beeps and the gates stay shut, even though you have enough money on the card? Apparently it happens when you ‘swipe’ or ‘press’ rather than ‘touch’ in.

This happened to me the other day. The nice Transport For London staff member who was standing there, put on his best ‘I want to roll my eyes but I’m going to be patient’ voice and said, “Stand back a step…. Now just touch the card lightly.”

I did. It worked.

As I stood on the escalator I started to smile realising that his instruction was a brilliant metaphor for how to love.

In romantic relationship we want to get closer to each other. But closeness can easily slip into familiarity. Before we know it we’re being less attentive and more mechanical. The relationship feels easy and comfortable but lacks spice. Over time, romance stays shut – unresponsive to your mechanical ‘swiping’ or ‘pressing’. At this point, familiarity starts to feel stifling.

So take a step back – give each other more space and privacy. And be ‘light touch’ in your emotional interaction – don’t presume that you can press or swipe your way into each other’s hearts. The gates of romance will keep flying open for you.

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Posted by on 12/12/2013 in Romance


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Please don’t stop touching each other

Not so long ago a client came to me who was deeply unhappy in his marriage.

A short while into the conversation he said that he and his wife had not had sex in many years. A few questions later he said, ‘The truth is, we haven’t touched each other in years. We don’t even hug any more. It all just stopped.’ And he cried.

When he’d spoken about the other ‘reasons’ for the marriage not working he was sad, distressed, frustrated. But with this there was a deep loneliness in his voice. We’d hit the core of his misery. The practical and even emotional problems paled into the background. The physical loneliness of no-touch was worse.

It made me think about the importance of touch. Increasingly, I’m convinced that loving (or any positive) human touch is regenerative – emotionally, mentally and physically. I’ve written before about how couples can become lazy in long term relationship. Please don’t get lazy with your bodies. Touch each other lovingly, again and again and again.

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Posted by on 01/10/2012 in Love, Marriage, Sex


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