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Tag Archives: wedding night jitters

Getting married won’t fix it

I’ve had two conversations this week which have surprised and saddened me. The gist of both was the same – I was speaking with people who believed that getting married was the solution to relationship problems. It makes no sense – how does binding yourself legally to someone resolve pre-existing discontent? And why would you bind yourself legally to pre-exisisting discontent?

‘But at least then we’ll be committed.’

‘Well, if nothing else it’ll make his parents happy if he was married.’

‘And she’ll feel better once she’s settled down.’

Aaaarrghh! I couldn’t believe I was hearing this. Had I timewarped to the 1950s? How is it possible that in 2011, people are still willing to commit to misery?

On reflection, I realised that at the heart of this ill-logic was the deep seated belief that being married is the holy grail – not only of relationship, but of the wider fabric of a person’s life. It was almost existential – grasping at the confetti, not to provide happiness but to secure a committed discontent.

I think the braver and happier option is to dive into the dynamics of the relationship. There will be gifts of passion wrapped inside the discontent. The outer form of relationship will follow naturally.

 
 

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Prince William’s Wedding Night

I was asked recently what advice I would give to Prince William about overcoming wedding night jitters. Initially, the notion of wedding night jitters struck me as outdated. Do people have them any more?

But it got me thinking. Weddings remain a powerful threshold, a rite of passage that hold potent social and emotional significance. However familiar a couple have become beforehand, their wedding is a momentous event.

My suggestion with regards to wedding night jitters is is simple. Don’t bother with sex on your wedding night. Yes, you read that correctly. Don’t bother with sex on your wedding night. Its too much pressure.

And that pressure is multiplied exponentially if you are a prince, and your wedding day is such a public event. Its demanding and exhausting.

Even if you don’t have the glare of the media with which to contend, a large part of wedding days are about the family and friends of the couple. Its a public event, with the bride and groom performing their part for others.

At the end of such a day, its hardly fair for a couple to expect themselves to perform for each other. So don’t.  Be easy about it, and be easy on yourselves. If you tumble into intimacy, then let it be that – a tumble into private togetherness at the end of a long and public day. But don’t expect yourself to perform the kama sutra. After all, you’ve got all the time in the world for that from the next day onwards.

 
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Posted by on 25/04/2011 in Romance, Sex

 

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